Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
