i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
