Can i not drive my cunt home
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
