positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
