It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
