after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just invented taco cereal.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
