He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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