Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
