You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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