Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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