I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
