The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
