I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
