1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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