My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
soo... how was my night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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