hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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