just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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