Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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