HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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