The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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