god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
