Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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