Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
