this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
