I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
