He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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