38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why are your pants in the freezer?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
