Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
All the doctor said was why
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
