yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i have two assholes
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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