what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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