If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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