i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
