I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
