absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it hurts more in the daytime
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
