i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
