remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
