I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
