Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
