Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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