i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
