ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
