Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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