Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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