Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
