ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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