I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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