went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
