You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
