apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
