Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
