I showed him my bush... on skype.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
