I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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